Heart and Love: HE LOVES ME BUT CHEATS ON ME

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So, I was in a BRT bus and overheard two women discussing in French. They probably thought no one would be able to understand them. One was talking about how her man had cheated on her. Her friend was like “Why are you still with him?” The cheated on lady’s response was that she knows her man loves her. Besides, it’s not his first time cheating. My mouth opened as my ears went up. 

She continued that he always takes care of her, treats her well, and takes care of the kids, the house and does all that he is supposed to do. He doesn’t wave his flings in her face that he respects her that much.

Well, I’m going to say the things I wanted to tell her.

Dear lady, that saying that a man can love you and still cheat on you is an excuse cooked up by men to continue cheating and by women in self-denial to give them a reason to stay in that relationship.

A man who cheats on you doesn’t respect you at all. He had a choice not to cheat on you but chose to.

 The person he cheated on you with didn’t just fall on his open and ready dick. It took a process and choices were involved.

How can you say he loves you? Do you know what love means? Please visit an online bible or Google 1Corinthians 13:4-8 to read up on love.

Love will not make you cry by being selfish. He or she had an itch and went ahead to satisfy it without thinking of you. They didn’t care about the tears you would shed.

Love will never disrespect you and that is what cheating is. You didn’t matter at the point of them making the decisions that led to the cheating, your value didn’t matter. All they cared about was their satisfaction. The words and the promises they made to you to love you, never hurt you, cherish, hold etc., wasn’t important to them. So, the cheating with someone else was more important to them than you were.  If I don’t know what disrespect is please let me help you make it clearer.

Respect according to the Oxford dictionary; “Politeness, honour and care that is shown towards someone or something that is considered important.”

According to Wikipedia and Dictionary.com, it is; “due regard for the feelings, wishes or rights of others.”

You see now that anyone that cheats on you considers you and your feelings not to be important. So, how can you say that he loves and respects you?

Love will never open you up to psychological and emotional trauma. The feeling of knowing that someone you loved, trusted and respected did that can only be described as such. You start asking if you weren’t good enough, if you did something wrong. When you listen to society as a woman, of course it’s your fault that a man cheated, you didn’t do something right. The tears, anguish and the feelings of heartbreak that goes with it. Some women develop high blood pressure, some refuse to accept the truth, go into denial and put the blame on the person that was cheated on them with.

Dear lady, his cheating was not your fault. It wasn’t the fault of the person he cheated on you with. It’s his. He made a choice. If there was something you weren’t doing right he had a choice to tell you about it as his partner, friend and lover but he chose to cheat instead. Don’t blame yourself for his actions. Don’t let people blame you for his actions.

Love gives you peace of mind. It’s life that that should try and take away your peace of mind and not the actions of the person that ‘loves' you.

Love is built on trust, so love is trust. If he loves you, your trust would be important to him. he wouldn't want to do anything to lose it.

Love will never put your life in danger. That’s what cheating does. It puts you in danger of contracting HIV and a host of STDs and other deadly things. So, how can you look at a man that opens you up to all that and say he loves you? Oh, he uses a condom? What about the ones that he can get from kissing them then turning around to kiss you? The image alone is disgusting.

Your life is also in danger from some of the people he cheats on you with who won’t mind having the love and respect you claim he gives you.  You don’t mind sharing, well, they do mind.

He knows you aren’t going anywhere no matter how much he cheats. He has done it before and you still stayed. He knows all he has to do is beg, get others to beg, drop some gifts and you will always stay. You are the good ol’ faithful, the steady who will always love him and make excuses for his bad behavior without being selfish and thinking of your needs, first.
Yes, people fall into temptation. If it's a onetime thing and never happens again...
If you know he cheats on you constantly, you understand it's not love, not respect and you are fine and happy in it, please go ahead and live your life but don't call it  love and respect.

Don’t also tell me that “This is Africa and men are entitled to more than a woman” Did he tell you that before he asked you date him, marry him and be the mother of his children? Didn’t he swear and sing it was going to be just you?

Dear lady, you deserve to be loved right. You deserve someone who loves and respects you good. I can hear you say “All men cheat. The devil I know is better than the one I…”

Dear lady that is another lie that has been sold to keep you in a place where you feel not good enough and that something is wrong with you and that you don’t deserve better. Not, everyone cheats. There are good and faithful men and women out here.

If he cheats on you, he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t respect you at all. 

Thank you for reading my thoughts. What are yours?

Image cred: vectorstock.com