Monday, January 15, 2024


 I don't share posts from this blog anymore. I doubt real people visit here but robots. Lol. (I know some humans do. I get blog statistics).

My birthday is next week, 22nd January. As I reflect on my life. I realise that I have three deal breakers. I have always known them, but now, I fully accept them.

1) LIES: 

Be it in a friendship or a relationship, I can't stand lies. Personally, I do not tell lies. If I ever lie, it eats me out that I tell the person immediately, this is it. I do not lie. I think that's part why I never share my thoughts. Like, if I told you the whole truth about what happened between person A and me, you would call me a liar. People don't believe it when I tell them things, so, I keep to myself. 

I hate lies, I hate being called a liar and above all, I hate liars.

Discovering a lie from a friend or boyfriend, is like the thing that unraveled the ball of wool. Everything you ever said to me, did, I begin to analyze the past then the future things you say. My trust for you disappears. Be it what people call a white lie. A lie is still a lie to me. I would even ask the person about it, hoping they'd admit it was a lie, but they never do.

I think it's a gift and a curse. Once, a person lies to me, I know. It rings in my head, spirit, that was a lie. I have always had that knowing since I was a kid. I'd even downplay it "Frances, don't start again." "Frances, don't be judgmental." "Frances, no one is perfect. they love you, they must have had a reason for this lie." 

I make up excuses for the person, and I keep making excuses when I sense another lie. Years or months later, they hurt me in a way that takes a while to heal from. Then, I tell myself. "I should have..."

I tried in the past to make excuses for lies, liars, etc. I don't anymore.

I don't feel safe around lies. It hounds me, haunts me. I might not say anything to the person, but I am thinking about it, all the past things they've said, present things etc. I count them all lies.

Liars have turned out to be manipulators, users, cheats, thieves, etc. in my experience.

These days, I die inside when I discover a potential friend in a lie. I give them a chance, another lie, I withdraw immediately. I am helpful, loving and nice to them but I stop sharing, I pull back from the way I was initially in the friendship.

Lies of omission, fall in here. I don't believe in white lies. A lie, is a lie, no matter how little people think it is.

Liars don't make me feel safe. I need to feel safe in friendships, and in love. I don't need to be friends with ten million people. 

I am very honest to a fault. Honest not stupid, not insulting, but I won't lie to you. 

I will never do, what I would not like done to me. 

I hate lies with a passion. I can't describe how lies worry me and how much I hate them.

A liar is a thief, a liar is a cheat, a liar can kill you, a liar never keeps his/her words, a liar cannot love you, a liar does not love, but uses etc.

If I ever do tell you something, know I was truthful, no matter how incredulous you thought it, I spoke the truth to you. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2023




 This won’t be a well written essay but a ramble of sorts by a Christian.

 An event in 2020, got me triggered and I went back to a past event and someone from my past. The next few months and years after that event in 2020, I talked and talked, more like shed and dealt with all the pain, betrayal, hurt and more that I had been dealt with by former friendships, romantic relationships, etc.

  See, I had forgiven those people but unknown to me I hadn’t let go of the pain, betrayal, I was fractured in my soul, broken in many places by the knives , needles and sharp objects that betrayals, disappointments and pain are.

  You see this event that triggered me in 2020 deepened my relationship with God. I sought God, I searched and searched for Him. I realized as I talked about my past, the people who had betrayed me and so on that there was bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment in me. I had no idea they were there and I had never dealt with the betrayals from my past. I had shrugged them off but now, here I was.

  The event of 2020 helped me let go. I dropped my past behind; all the betrayals, pain, hurt. I now understood what resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness truly were and I forgave from the depth of my heart as I shed the burden I had carried in my soul for so long. It took years but I am lighter.

  There were days of crying, fasting and begging God to heal me and restore me, to help me.

  I had this desperation to hear the voice of God, to know I was truly hearing from God, to take back my life and live it for God.

  I was beyond grateful that I didn’t stay dead in 2015. I had died, was in a dark place before I felt myself falling back into my body then my eyes opened and I was back in my body. I might never have woken up in my body and I would never had made heaven if I had died that morning. I survived. I began my journey to God but 2020 was the year.

  The event that triggered me was not Covid but an interaction with a man. I was grateful for that.

  I also remember discovering in 2021 that I was battling with lust. Then God telling me in my prayer time in January 2022 that I was going to write a book and start a series of videos on sex as a Christian and I was “It can’t be me, can it? God can’t ask me to do that? Who would listen plus I battle with lust, fighting it amongst other things. It definitely isn’t you God or is that your voice?” I knew it was but I didn't want to do it.

   I did write the book though not published yet called ‘Single Christian Sex Talk’ in less than three weeks, I had written forty thousand words. Now, sharing it little by little on my YouTube channel as asked. I was worried about perception, what people would think, me talking about sex. What did I even know? Lol! Plus I was worried, I would lose friends, jobs, etc. but I started it after debating with God for months. I obeyed. The views aren’t great but I walk in obedience.


  From 2020 I have watched over a thousand videos by various men of God on spiritual warfare, hearing the voice of God, knowing the Holyspirit, etc.  I have gone on so many long fasts, it could have only been God that led me into them and saw me through them.

  I was on one of many fasts in 2023, praying for who (the man in 2020) I had been asked to fast and pray for during that fast when I had the dream.

 I was at a train station. The train arrived it was empty. A long train and it was empty, save for a man seated in front, he got down and left. The driver of the train was a woman, she came down and said. “Frances, you’re welcome to Heaven express.” 

 She took my tiny luggage with her and we got on. She was way in front. All the train coaches were empty and I was alone.

 She drove for a long while, then she dropped me somewhere. A chauffeur was waiting for me. I was driven in a car to the next stage of my journey.

  The car stopped in front of a huge gate, I couldn’t see inside because of the gate. The driver stopped, dropped my tiny luggage, smiled at me and left.

  I heard, “Frances, you are welcome.” And the gate opened.

  I woke up at that point. I woke up singing a song of praise from my dream. I was so happy. I understood the dream.

  I had made heaven. Salvation is a long and lonely journey that we all will have to work out by ourselves.

  I made heaven in my dream. My goal is to make it in reality. I have had more than one near death experience. I want to make heaven whenever death does come knocking, only when God wills it. God didn’t let me die, many times. I am sure there is a reason I am still here and I will achieve it by God’s grace. Many things we think of as important in this life, aren’t important when we die. I have cheated death more than once.

  I want to make heaven. That is my deepest goal and purpose asides from being obedient to the voice of the Holyspirit and walking in alignment with the will of God which I keep seeking. I am far from Christ-like but I am working out my salvation.

  It is one thing to hear God and another thing to trust and obey what was heard.

  I am still on my journey in seeking and knowing God.

 Will you make heaven? Is that your goal?

Saturday, March 25, 2023



I was at a wedding recently. I had no idea about the politics that go down at weddings. I was the only stranger seated with one of the couple’s family members. They kept bringing food and drinks to the eight of them but I never got any. The ladies bringing the food, would look at me as they gave the food to their people and I’d look right back at them and none asked me,

“Please, what do you want to eat?”

“Here’s a plate.”

“What drink would you like?”

They were all munching, slurping and breaking bones but I didn’t mind.

I was on a liquid fast, so I couldn’t even eat anything at the wedding.

After bringing four rounds of food and these ladies, kept packing them up, she finally brought plates of Egusi soup and semovita and one was handed to me. I was at a loss what to do. Personally, I hate it when at weddings, people collect plates of food, eat the meat and waste the food. I hate wastage. When food is treated like that, it is thrown away. No one wants to eat what someone else has eaten out of.

I had a plate in my bag from something I’d gotten before the wedding, so, I poured the soup into it and kept the wrap of semo in my bag, not my purse.

I was minding my business. They brought more drinks for the family and I got none, didn’t mind.

Next, a lady arrives with a plate of rice for me. I don’t eat rice anymore. I am allergic to something in it. She tells me,

“Please manage this.”

I tell her over and over that I was fine, she shouldn’t worry but she insisted that I have it. She leaves and I sigh. What do I do with this food now? I ask the lady beside me if she wanted it but she had stocked enough to last her through winter already. I remember the takeaway plate the semo wrap was in, was by my foot.

I hate wasting food. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving that plate of rice on the floor, untouched. It would be thrown away. Asides the population of people hungry in the country; things are really expensive now, that plate of rice is worth some money.

I bent down, took the disposable plate and poured the rice into it and kept it in my bag.

When I got home, I gave the food out to some kids and they were really happy. It made me happy. They ate to their fills.

I told someone what I’d done and she screamed,

“Are you crazy?! In this age of social media? Someone could have taken a video of you doing that and spread it on the internet. Fine girl that’s acting like she has never seen food before in her life. Do you know how embarrassing it would be?”

Yeah, she just reminded me why I hate dancing, eating and doing a lot in public these days. Everyone, has a phone glued to their hands. You’d be minding your business; they take a picture or video of themselves and bam! You’re on the internet without your permission. A never-ending invasion of privacy. Or they knowingly take a video of you and put it online for clicks and followers. You’d be at the gym working out and be providing someone their workout background and they knew you were in it. People and their phones, I’ll stop here. I might have been guilty unknowingly but these days, I try my best not to have anyone in my picture or videos and I have never and will never video a stranger or friend going about their thing without their permission. That’s very disrespectful and wrong.  

Did I regret not wasting the food? Nope! Why should I be embarrassed for that? So, because I want to be a ‘big girl’, someone with pride, put up a front before people, I should waste food that a lot of people are looking for? Because as a fine girl, I want to look good? Why should I be ashamed of doing the right thing according to my conscience just because of what people would say? If people can leave parties with bottle of wines and drinks, why can’t I pack up food given to me?

The little kids enjoyed the meal instead of it being thrown into a dump somewhere and the money the couple spent on food didn’t waste because of my ego. I did the right thing. If there’s a video of me, a fine girl putting food away to share, then so be it.