This won’t be a well written essay but a
ramble of sorts by a Christian.
An event in 2020, got me triggered and I went
back to a past event and someone from my past. The next few months and years
after that event in 2020, I talked and talked, more like shed and dealt with all the
pain, betrayal, hurt and more that I had been dealt with by former friendships,
romantic relationships, etc.
See, I had forgiven those people but unknown
to me I hadn’t let go of the pain, betrayal, I was fractured in my soul, broken
in many places by the knives , needles and sharp objects that betrayals, disappointments
and pain are.
You see this event that triggered me in 2020
deepened my relationship with God. I sought God, I searched and searched for
Him. I realized as I talked about my past, the people who had betrayed me and
so on that there was bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment in me. I had no
idea they were there and I had never dealt with the betrayals from my past. I
had shrugged them off but now, here I was.
The event of 2020 helped me let go. I dropped
my past behind; all the betrayals, pain, hurt. I now understood what resentment,
bitterness and unforgiveness truly were and I forgave from the depth of my heart
as I shed the burden I had carried in my soul for so long. It took years but I am lighter.
There were days of crying, fasting and
begging God to heal me and restore me, to help me.
I had this desperation to hear the voice of
God, to know I was truly hearing from God, to take back my life and live it for
I was beyond grateful that I didn’t stay dead
in 2015. I had died, was in a dark place before I felt myself falling back into
my body then my eyes opened and I was back in my body. I might never have woken
up in my body and I would never had made heaven if I had died that morning. I
survived. I began my journey to God but 2020 was the year.
The event that triggered me was not Covid but
an interaction with a man. I was grateful for that.
I also remember discovering in 2021 that I
was battling with lust. Then God telling me in my prayer time in January 2022
that I was going to write a book and start a series of videos on sex as a Christian
and I was “It can’t be me, can it? God can’t ask me to do that? Who would
listen plus I battle with lust, fighting it amongst other things. It definitely isn’t you God or
is that your voice?” I knew it was but I didn't want to do it.
write the book though not published yet called ‘Single Christian Sex Talk’ in
less than three weeks, I had written forty thousand words. Now, sharing it
little by little on my YouTube channel as asked. I was worried about
perception, what people would think, me talking about sex. What did I even
know? Lol! Plus I was worried, I would lose friends, jobs, etc. but I started
it after debating with God for months. I obeyed. The views aren’t great but I
walk in obedience.
From 2020 I have watched over a thousand
videos by various men of God on spiritual warfare, hearing the voice of God,
knowing the Holyspirit, etc. I have gone
on so many long fasts, it could have only been God that led me into them and
saw me through them.
I was on one of many fasts in 2023, praying
for who (the man in 2020) I had been asked to fast and pray for during that
fast when I had the dream.
I was at a train station. The train arrived it was empty. A long train and it was empty, save for a man seated in front, he got down and left. The driver of the train was a woman, she came down and said. “Frances, you’re welcome to Heaven express.”
She took my tiny luggage with her
and we got on. She was way in front. All the train coaches were empty and I was
She drove for a long while, then she dropped
me somewhere. A chauffeur was waiting for me. I was driven in a car to the next
stage of my journey.
The car stopped in front of a huge gate, I
couldn’t see inside because of the gate. The driver stopped, dropped my tiny
luggage, smiled at me and left.
I heard, “Frances, you are welcome.” And the
I woke up at that point. I woke up singing a
song of praise from my dream. I was so happy. I understood the dream.
I had made heaven. Salvation is a long and
lonely journey that we all will have to work out by ourselves.
I made heaven in my dream. My goal is to make
it in reality. I have had more than one near death experience. I want to make
heaven whenever death does come knocking, only when God wills it. God didn’t let
me die, many times. I am sure there is a reason I am still here and I will
achieve it by God’s grace. Many things we think of as important in this life,
aren’t important when we die. I have cheated death more than once.
I want to make heaven. That is my deepest
goal and purpose asides from being obedient to the voice of the Holyspirit and
walking in alignment with the will of God which I keep seeking. I am far from Christ-like
but I am working out my salvation.
It is one thing to hear God and another thing
to trust and obey what was heard.
I am still on my journey in seeking and knowing
Will you make heaven? Is that your goal?