Wednesday, November 29, 2023




 This won’t be a well written essay but a ramble of sorts by a Christian.

 An event in 2020, got me triggered and I went back to a past event and someone from my past. The next few months and years after that event in 2020, I talked and talked, more like shed and dealt with all the pain, betrayal, hurt and more that I had been dealt with by former friendships, romantic relationships, etc.

  See, I had forgiven those people but unknown to me I hadn’t let go of the pain, betrayal, I was fractured in my soul, broken in many places by the knives , needles and sharp objects that betrayals, disappointments and pain are.

  You see this event that triggered me in 2020 deepened my relationship with God. I sought God, I searched and searched for Him. I realized as I talked about my past, the people who had betrayed me and so on that there was bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment in me. I had no idea they were there and I had never dealt with the betrayals from my past. I had shrugged them off but now, here I was.

  The event of 2020 helped me let go. I dropped my past behind; all the betrayals, pain, hurt. I now understood what resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness truly were and I forgave from the depth of my heart as I shed the burden I had carried in my soul for so long. It took years but I am lighter.

  There were days of crying, fasting and begging God to heal me and restore me, to help me.

  I had this desperation to hear the voice of God, to know I was truly hearing from God, to take back my life and live it for God.

  I was beyond grateful that I didn’t stay dead in 2015. I had died, was in a dark place before I felt myself falling back into my body then my eyes opened and I was back in my body. I might never have woken up in my body and I would never had made heaven if I had died that morning. I survived. I began my journey to God but 2020 was the year.

  The event that triggered me was not Covid but an interaction with a man. I was grateful for that.

  I also remember discovering in 2021 that I was battling with lust. Then God telling me in my prayer time in January 2022 that I was going to write a book and start a series of videos on sex as a Christian and I was “It can’t be me, can it? God can’t ask me to do that? Who would listen plus I battle with lust, fighting it amongst other things. It definitely isn’t you God or is that your voice?” I knew it was but I didn't want to do it.

   I did write the book though not published yet called ‘Single Christian Sex Talk’ in less than three weeks, I had written forty thousand words. Now, sharing it little by little on my YouTube channel as asked. I was worried about perception, what people would think, me talking about sex. What did I even know? Lol! Plus I was worried, I would lose friends, jobs, etc. but I started it after debating with God for months. I obeyed. The views aren’t great but I walk in obedience.


  From 2020 I have watched over a thousand videos by various men of God on spiritual warfare, hearing the voice of God, knowing the Holyspirit, etc.  I have gone on so many long fasts, it could have only been God that led me into them and saw me through them.

  I was on one of many fasts in 2023, praying for who (the man in 2020) I had been asked to fast and pray for during that fast when I had the dream.

 I was at a train station. The train arrived it was empty. A long train and it was empty, save for a man seated in front, he got down and left. The driver of the train was a woman, she came down and said. “Frances, you’re welcome to Heaven express.” 

 She took my tiny luggage with her and we got on. She was way in front. All the train coaches were empty and I was alone.

 She drove for a long while, then she dropped me somewhere. A chauffeur was waiting for me. I was driven in a car to the next stage of my journey.

  The car stopped in front of a huge gate, I couldn’t see inside because of the gate. The driver stopped, dropped my tiny luggage, smiled at me and left.

  I heard, “Frances, you are welcome.” And the gate opened.

  I woke up at that point. I woke up singing a song of praise from my dream. I was so happy. I understood the dream.

  I had made heaven. Salvation is a long and lonely journey that we all will have to work out by ourselves.

  I made heaven in my dream. My goal is to make it in reality. I have had more than one near death experience. I want to make heaven whenever death does come knocking, only when God wills it. God didn’t let me die, many times. I am sure there is a reason I am still here and I will achieve it by God’s grace. Many things we think of as important in this life, aren’t important when we die. I have cheated death more than once.

  I want to make heaven. That is my deepest goal and purpose asides from being obedient to the voice of the Holyspirit and walking in alignment with the will of God which I keep seeking. I am far from Christ-like but I am working out my salvation.

  It is one thing to hear God and another thing to trust and obey what was heard.

  I am still on my journey in seeking and knowing God.

 Will you make heaven? Is that your goal?

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