It’s been a long time I wrote anything here.
I don’t know how this works in other parts of the world but I can only speak for Nigeria. The little I have seen or heard so far.
For a society where almost 70% of the population is below the age of 35, you would think everything was fair game. It’s still somewhat a very patriarchal society no matter how much most try to cover it up. Men here like the chase. Seen my ‘if men are hunters’ post?
Let’s look at different scenarios. You know I love those. Wait, to understand how some not all men here think of women, seen my ‘This rude Nigerian girl’ post?
Ada had always had a thing for Sly. They weren’t friends but friends of friends. They never said more than ‘Hi” to each other when their friends met up. Years later, Ada runs into Sly. She ponders about it and decides to be honest and let him know she likes him. Sly is flattered at first. They start dating or so Ada thinks. She catches him later with another girl and he tells her “I never chased you.” Ada is mortified.
Kelly had it all; looks, intelligence, a successful career and all that. She just found it hard to connect with most guys around her. Most found her too intimidating or they just wanted to mooch off her. She runs into Dave at an event. The connection was instant. A friend called her away and it took her a while to get back to her table but Dave was gone. She remembers his name, she does something she has never done before in all her life on earth. She searches for him on Instagram and slides into his DM. Dave is surprised. He replies a few messages and stops after that. She wonders what she did wrong. She overhears from someone that knows someone that knows him, how Dave was talking about some desperate girl with low self esteem that searched for him and slid into his DM.
Lola made the move and they got married. She was happy for a minute. Then she realized her dear husband, Rex would make some weird comments and act funny sometimes. It looked like Rex felt he did her a favour by agreeing to date her and later getting married to her.
For our females, shedding the trado-cultural upbringing and expectations we’ve been taught our whole lives plus the expected place of women and being vulnerable with another human being and showing or telling them how we feel first is no mean feat. Most people hate being vulnerable with another, even some to partners they married.
I’ve heard guys talk about it. One or two say they are cool with it and it would be nice. But would it really be in the long run of things?
Feminism is a word most Nigerian men hate even though most, women inclusive don’t fully comprehend what the word means.
“Leave all that feminism rubbish. This is Africa! It is not in our culture. Why will a woman be chasing after a man? She will just reduce her value before the man. Allow a man to be the man! Even the Bible said he who finds a wife…”
He went on to mention a famous celebrity couple that the young wife had put it up all over social media about how she had slid into the actor’s DM and shot her shot(made the first move). They got married but the marriage crashed.
So, if a man asks a lady out, does it mean everything will be perfect and they will live happily ever after because he made the move?
Some say, give him a hint or an idea that you like him. What if he never catches your numerous hints? What sort of hint really? They say be nice to him, call him, cook, help him out and all that. Is that not being manipulative? What if you go above and beyond and Uncle dude thinking you were just being a good friend, brings a girl and presents to you as his new bae, can you fault him? Has he wronged you?
Some people say be his friend, a guy always marries his friend. Biko(please), how long are you going to pretend to be his friend and wallow in his friendzone, hoping and praying he notices you are there and could be what he is looking for? Are you not cheating yourself? Wasting your own precious time and effort?
Are there sure fire rules in life? That it works for A does it mean it will work for B and C and D, etc?
What happens if you make the move and you are direct with what you want and he rejects you? Does it not show he was never for you? That it won’t have worked out any differently if he had been the one to make the move not you? If the hearts don’t agree, does it matter how it was brought together or who did?
If you are a dude, a girl makes the move what would you think of her? Ever heard of anywhere it worked out in Africa? Do you see it going the long haul?
If you are a lady, ever made the move? Can you? Do you think our women should? Seen anywhere it worked out?
Thank you for reading my multiple thoughts as you’ve read. What are yours? You could use an anonymous ID to drop your comment.