THE NICE GIRL FLIRT

  Back in my university days, met this dude during our orientation. We became friends, did the orientation together. Well, he wasn’t in the main campus, Ugbowo but was sent to Ekenwan. Those who’ve been to Benin would know. Over the years that friendship didn’t die. I’d call sometimes “Dude, na wa I haven’t seen you o and semester is almost over.” 

I’d dress up and take a bus to go see him. We’d gist and catch up. He’d visit, I’d return the visit. Ok, I did more of the visiting, lol. I was happy seeing my hommie and having somewhere to go to. Ekenwan campus is beautiful with artworks.

  We even visit each other away from school that is during vacation at home. Anyways, in our final year dude says his friends say I like him. That’s the reason I’m always coming around, being there for him and all that. He starts catching feelings I couldn’t return. Friendship went down.

  Then another one, I’d visit, if the crib is messed up, I’d go. “Guy na wa, oya let’s clean up.” We’d tidy up together, watch movies, gist. If he had money troubles, I’d help out.  Anyways after a while dude goes “Some friends said he should stop allowing me to come over so I don’t get the wrong idea. That they say I’m into him.” I was shocked. Ok, after a while I convinced myself maybe people were right. We kissed once or twice, I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t interested in that way from the beginning. I always know if I am from the beginning.

  

  One dude I knew, we were just hi people, I found out he was going through a loss in the family and personal struggles. I took his number from someone and kept calling him to check on him and encourage him. Dude got back and started acting possessively weird like I was into him. I was not.

  I’ve met dudes and I think, this person is really cool and I’d like to be friends or know more. So, I chat them up, say hi and ask questions. After a while, some of them start acting weird.  Some would start acting like they’re made of gold and you want some of the gold. Like a girl crushing on a guy. One even had to tell me “I’m not looking for a relationship”. And I’m confused like “I never said I was into you or wanted to sleep with you.”

  Yes, I’ve almost gotten raped. Back in Uni. We became chummy and had such engaging conversations about politics and Nigeria. Dude, comes to visit me in my room and makes a move, I say no. He tries to force it; I nearly beat him within an inch of his life. I was lucky, I’m strong.  (This inspired my don’t go to a man’s cave video)

  

  One happened recently at the gym. Dude and I chat once in a while. So, this particular day, we stood outside and talked about education in Nigeria and abroad, about politics and other things. Anyone that knows me knows I like a good discussion or argument. Lol. The conversation ends and dude tells me he is going home. I’m like ok, bye. Then he takes my arm and says “come on let’s go to my place.” I disengage my arm and say I’m busy. “On a weekend? We could spend the day together.” He says. I smile say goodbye and head into the gym. I felt insulted. Did the dude take my having that long convo and saying hi once in a while as interest?

  Or at a gathering, someone seated by me, I strike up a convo by saying hi first. Then people started saying, I liked the guy. How biko? Why is it ok, for a guy to say hi first to a lady and everyone’s cool with it, a lady says hi first and it’s misread? Can’t a human being say hi to another human being?

  A dude, I was getting to know as a friend, told me it was his birthday next week. I bought him a thoughtful gift. After that, dude changed, started doing shakara, carrying his shoulders up. I only did what I’d dream to be done unto me if I were him and I’d told someone my birthday was next week( it's Jan 22 btw). Jeez!

  Growing up, till now, I don’t see gender. I see person, people. Someone, I’d like to know, someone that needs people to be nice to them, be there for them and care about them. I see people. It doesn’t mean I don’t protect myself. I used to wake up and go visit male friends just like I visit my female friends but I stopped that because the world changed that carefree attitude for me. Visit a guy and he sees it as you want his gold member.

  When I have kids, my daughters will see people, not gender but I would teach them to protect themselves. Men and women have feelings. We all hurt, we all want to be seen, heard, and cared about.

  Please, is it wrong to be nice to the opposite gender? Why do most dudes think being nice, saying hi and all that means you are crushing on them and want some of their gold member? I don’t get it. Is it just me that thinks this way? Am I the only one it happens to? Do they make this general assumption from experience? I wonder how many ladies have gotten raped thanks to this assumption. So, if girl likes dude, she won’t be clear about it but be manipulative and be there for him and all that for years, waste her time so he can like her too and ask her out? That’s just plain crazy. What sort of obligation is that?

  That a girl is really nice and friendly doesn’t mean she is interested in you. Guys, please let’s stop with that thinking. Don’t just assume it.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. What are yours?

Happy New Year!