THE MIND READERS CLUB

 

 You might often hear people in relationships say,

‘How could he get me this perfume? He is my boyfriend. He should know what I like.’
‘Why would she make me pasta, she should know better?’
‘I don’t think he loves me. If he does, why doesn’t he know what I like?’
‘She doesn’t know my favourite colour. I know all the things she likes.’
‘He doesn’t know what to get me for my birthday. He wants me to tell him what to buy for me. He is my man, he should know.’
‘I drink coffee but she got me tea.’
‘She couldn’t tell I was not happy.’
‘He should know I just want to be held.’
‘Couldn’t he tell I had a bad day at work?’
‘She should know how I feel.’

  It goes on and on and on. In most relationships, we have the talker and we have the listener. One partner keeps
quiet while the other goes on talking about what they like. In the end, guess who complains that their partner doesn’t know their likes and interests? A relationship is meant to be a partnership, a give and take, a symbiotic union. If you can’t tell your partner what you like and feel, please who else would you tell. Most, keep quiet because they feel that is what a relationship is, you listen to the other person. Well, we can say you are cheating yourself. There is nothing more beautiful than when partners know each other’s little details. It makes it so much fun. A perfect friendship that aids them look out for each other.
  Communication is really important. Communication is not when you talk about mundane and general issues. Communication in a relationship is you telling your partner what you feel and think. It is you opening up, when partners don’t open up that is when you hear them say, the above sentences.  I have friends that complain. The last one went this way. She had had it. She didn’t think he loved her at all. She complained bitterly that he didn’t know anything about her. It was her birthday and he had no idea what to buy her. She wanted to blow him one last kiss. This scenario could go both ways. As a friend I could have just gone the usual way and said,

’ Are you kidding me? A guy that doesn’t know what you like doesn’t like you. A guy that loves you should even know the colour of your eyes. He should know when you are sad. Girl, you really have to drop him.’

  I didn’t know what to say because I am not in the relationship with them. I don’t know how they relate, so, I asked.

‘Who does the talking between you two?’
She confirmed that he did.
‘When you talk to him, what do you talk about?’
She said they talked a lot about stuff.

‘What stuff exactly?’
‘Ermm, our day.’
‘If he does the talking when do you now chip in about your day?’
‘He likes to talk so I let him. I enjoy it.’
‘But you see now that you don’t really talk to him about you. What you like and feel. How is he meant to know what to get for you? It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in you.’

  She realised that she never spoke to him about things that mattered. Most people date for years on end but don’t really know their partners because they don’t communicate well, don’t ask the important questions and don’t tell their partner their needs. No human is a mind reader. If you want him to get you a particular perfume, take you on a trip, you have to open your mouth and say it. Most people say they drop hints. Well, if your partner is like me then you are in for nothing. Say it out loud. If you want to be held, tell her. If you want something, say it. Some people are more perceptive than others but no one is a mind reader. Well, if you do say it and it is not heeded then you have done your part. There is no mind readers’ club. We are all human. If you want a mind reader then you ask for the impossible. Relationships are about communication, you get what you put out there. Be a better communicator today.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.