THE BATTLE WITH SELF

THE BATTLE WITH SELF

 

 

https://youtu.be/rJ64BXEx8d0

        When you watch movies, read books, listen to podcasts, and watch videos online, everyone talks about the enemy, haters. Your haters and enemies, they say, are friends, colleagues, people who don’t like you, your village people, and more. In action movies, it could be a country.

Few rarely talk about the real enemy, and that is you. The self of any human is the biggest threat to that human. I am my biggest enemy. You are your biggest enemy.

 

      How Frances? You ask. It stems from the things that initially control us, such as our childhoods, upbringings, and parents, as well as our beliefs, including religion and more.

Also, no matter how much of an extrovert you are, you spend more time, and will spend more time, with yourself than with any other human being on earth. You could even be married, and you live and work with your spouse, but still, you will spend more time with yourself than with your spouse, even if they are physically present all the time.

Every action, word, and more that we take, say, or carry out starts from conversations with ourselves. Yes, you.

      Our self-talks and internal monologues daily are more than any dialogue with another person in a day. Humans are believed to have between 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day. Imagine all that self-talk. We decide what to say, what to do, what to wear, what to eat, places to go to, and more internally.

      Even if you believe in God, and God brings an answered prayer your way, it still depends on you to accept, reject, or work towards it. Our freewill comes into play, and it is mostly decided in our thoughts, as you talk to yourself.

 

      How am I my biggest enemy, Frances? You are beating around the bush.

St. Paul understood the battle with self when he said in Romans 7:15-17, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.”

      You could say the battle with self is the battle for the control of yourself with yourself. Lol! You know you should lose weight, but every time you think of food, the sight of the lemon cake, you find your hand reaching towards it, and next thing you’ve wolfed the whole cake down, telling yourself, “Today is my cheat day. I will restart the diet tomorrow.”

       You know you should write that book, but you tell yourself you can’t, no one will read it, no one will listen to you, or you do other things to stop you from writing that book, because you are afraid not just of people but afraid of you and for you.

     You know you should stop drinking alcohol. Every time you drink, you do stupid things, have indiscriminate sex, or you fight with everyone in sight, or you kill people by driving drunk, you just lose all sense of control. You really want to stop, you have tried everything, but you think about the pleasure, how it helps you forget the things you want to forget, and you tell yourself, “just one more drink. This will be my last. I will stop after this bottle.” Rinse, repeat until you never stop drinking.

     You know he loves you, or she loves you, but you feel so undeserving to be in a loving relationship that you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it doesn’t. So you carry your thoughts and feelings of unworthiness to sabotage yourself by sleeping with someone else, and it marks the end of that loving relationship of yours. And you tell yourself, “See, I knew I was trash, not deserving. He/she is too good for me.”

     It is clear that you worked hard to succeed, but you keep battling with thoughts of  I don’t deserve this success. “Everyone will soon realize that I’m not all that. I’m not good enough.” You let the impostor syndrome fight you every day and night, until you lead yourself into depression, drugs, or more.

     You tell yourself you will start that project that would change your life today. You really want to start today, but you feel confused, battle worries of what if it fails, do I even know how to do this, and more, so you push the project aside for that day, and you tell yourself, “I will start it tomorrow.”, tomorrow comes and you say, “I will start it tomorrow.”, Now, it has been two years and you keep saying you will start it tomorrow. This project would change your life for the better, but procrastination, as you battle continuously with yourself, doesn’t let you start. You could say, “Frances, it’s the devil’s fault.” Sometimes, yes, but remember the gift of free will from God? Have you prayed and asked for help?

 

     So, you see, the enemy is not on the outside most times. It is on the inside. If you are a Christian like me, you could say it’s the devil, village people, witchcraft, etc, that’s causing the procrastination, negative intrusive thoughts, and more.

    My question even to myself is, what sin, what door have you opened, that has let the devil in to win, and destroy you? It was your actions, thoughts, and words that gave him a foothold. So, in the end, the battle is still with self. It is you who goes to sleep every time you want to pray. It is you who keeps procrastinating, that fast you know you ought to go on. It is you who fails to read the bible. It is you who let the devil in. It is you that will chase the devil out and let the Holy Spirit in.

     The devil doesn’t take away your freewill.  How, Frances?

It is your choice. It is you who will choose which master to obey, and to let in, because in the end, the biggest battle is within me, within you. It is the battle with oneself.

     Imagine a drowning man; you dive in to save that drowning man, and he refuses to let you save him. It is a choice by self. You could see all the top psychologists, counselors, life coaches, go to the best churches to see the most Holy Ghost-filled men of God, receive top advice, and more. In the end, the choice is mine, the choice is yours.

 

     No one is coming to save you, and no one can save you unless you let them.

I am my enemy. You are your enemy. It is the battle with self, and we fight that battle every day, hour, minute, and second, on the inside. Who is going to win, you or yourself?