In today’s world the
word ‘Dating’ has become synonymous to sex and a relationship. Dating used to
be a get to know period. A time you ask the important questions and see if you
are both compatible then move it a step further towards courtship then marriage.
Dating is the first
step for seeking out a life partner. Now, it’s just for the fun of it. No
goals, no purpose.
Dating now means, ‘in a
relationship’ with someone. Scratch that, ‘in a sexual relationship.’
Well, you see people
who are supposedly dating and date for years then they tell you’ I can’t marry
her’ , ‘I can’t marry him’.
Why be in a
relationship with that person in the first place? Call me old school but dating
isn’t an exclusive relationship. I can go on dates and get to know three men or
more, ask questions, study them all. If
any fits, we move on to courtship. I don’t understand why people do things
without purpose. Or why dating which is the first step should take years,
months and have sex involved in it.
Some guys now, thanks
to the times, ask you out, then tell you they want to date you to get you into
the stage of we are boyfriend, girlfriend just so they can have sex with you. When
you say, you don’t want to have sex, you hear things like;
“What are we dating
for?”
“It’s what people who
date do.”
“Are you not my
girlfriend?”
If you are not ready to
get married or not looking for a life-mate what then is your purpose as a man
or woman for dating in the first place?
Dating like I said earlier
was a get to know period. Sex was never part of it. Throwing sex into it blurs
the lines between the dating and courtship period and then you believe you have
moved on to courtship and you keep expecting and hoping he marries you.
When you go into it
with a purpose, in the first three dates you both have, you should have a
better understanding and can tell from the little but important questions to
you that you have asked, if you both
align and if you’d consider moving it a step further.
Dating is getting to
know if we can and not that we are in a relationship and sex must and should
happen.
Asking a lady out on a
date is termed romantic because you are interested in her as a woman and you
are searching for a life- mate for the future and not because sex is on the
table that day and you just want to bang that hot body you see for the months
and years you’d be in a relationship. I think you should date with a plan, not
for the fun of it and not with the flow. Why date if you are not ready to get
married?
Then when the girl you
have been sleeping with and have been in a relationship with, that has given
you time, affection, care, sex, sometimes money, cleaned and cooked for you for
months or years asks you “what’s the plan for the future?”, you run away, end
things and say she was trying to force you to marry her or putting on demands,
pressure, bla bla bla. Biko, what was
your plan, the timeline in the first place?
Dating should be a time
for discovering a little about the life principles and character of the other
person and it shouldn’t take months. You can date more than one man or woman
when it’s platonic and it’s just get to know.
Maybe, I’m the one who
is confused by today’s world were certain words have lost their true meanings
and have become diluted and now mean something entirely different.
If you decide you want
to date but don’t have marriage or forever in view or you just want to have sex
and fun, ask the person you are planning on doing that with if they want the
same thing. If you are both on the same page, have at it. Tomorrow, you won’t
hear talks on marriage from him or her.
I think I’ll talk about
the term ‘Hanging out’ in my next post.
Thank you for reading
my thoughts. What are yours?
