BOKO HARAM AND THE TRIBAL STIGMA

  Wow! It’s been over a month already. It’s not like I never had something to say but I was angry. Ok, furious is the word. So much is going on in the country right now. A lot of things have been wrong since I was a little girl and it’s like it all got worse now I’m an adult. Every time, I sat down to right I was blinded by anger. Yes, writing with passion is great but not the kind I was experiencing. I’d just close my system and stare at the ceiling.

  Something I witnessed yesterday jarred me out of my limbo. I don’t know why the two accidents happened a day apart. I was in a public place and a man in the Hausa regalia and cap, sat down in front of me; he had a bag with him. He must have forgotten something because he told the man beside him, to please watch his bag that he’d be right back. He left immediately, leaving his back behind. The man beside me tapped the bag watcher and asked him, why he agreed to watch the bag. He screamed that the man must have left a bomb in it and found an excuse to leave it behind for us. People around agreed. Some people ran away from where we were. Others were angry. They asked the bag watcher to open the bag. He refused. Well, in the middle of all the drama. The bag owner rushed back in with a snack and sat down. I thought the matter would end then but they kept talking about his bag and bombs and boko haram in his presence. They laughed, though there was no laughter on their faces that he must be one of them. The man (bag owner) quietly stood up, picked up his bag and left. I felt ashamed. There was so much hurt in his eyes. I swear, I saw a tear about to drop.

  Then today, I went for a seminar of sorts. Anyways, there was security outside. Everyone had to show their IVs to get in. No one was being searched per se. And along comes this man in the northern regalia and his bag. He showed his IV but they stopped him. He was searched from head to toe. Like some Nigerians are subjected to by the immigration unit of some countries. They took him to a corner and I’m sure searched both his drawers and bag. I stood waiting to see what would happen. Some people around couldn’t help themselves from singing maybe the man had a bomb on him. I went in when the search was taking too long.

  I understand we can’t be too careful and all because of the recent bombings, kidnapping and what not happening.  Maybe I foresaw this in writing my short film, ‘dream poetic’. If we the adults are subjecting a particular tribe and religion to ridicule and labelling them as terrorists and what not just because of what they put on and where they come from, when we move on ,what are we telling our kids? What pace and example are we setting for the younger generation who are the future of our country? Should we because of the doings of a handful of people, condemn a multitude who are innocents?

  I went to the kiosk in my area to buy airtime and I was staggered by what a little girl said to one of the owner’s daughters. I dare not repeat it. I had to take that girl aside and talk to her.

   Should one tribe now become victims, pariahs in their own fatherland? It’s not fair. We all preach the unfairness of the sect killing and abducting people but we now go around killing people with our words and actions, killing people’s spirits much more than the sect.

  Please let’s try and not victimise a tribe. Tribalism in Nigeria has always been an issue but it’s just getting worse. Very soon, our actions would make people scared to utter they are from the north or that they are Muslims. We become their terrorists. Even if we can’t help it, let’s try for our country’s sake. The future of our country. It might look bleak now but every word we utter and action we take has the power to change the course of this country’s future. It might even be through that little boy beside you that looks up to you.

  That someone is from the north or practises Islam doesn’t make them members of any sect. Please let’s not kill people. Let’s not drag this nation down with stigmatising others. I beg every Nigerian. Agreed, it’s sad and deplorable but just imagine if you were from that tribe too or were born into it and people killed you with their words and actions in a land you called home.

THE EXPECTATION THEORY

                                                         
   Ebuka was finally done with school. His uncle had promised to help him secure a place in his firm. He had told him that at a family burial when they had last met and he had asked Emeka what class he was in.  Filled with expectations of a promised and ready job, Ebuka paid his uncle a visit with his documents. He dropped the necessary ones. A week turned into a week, a month, months and a year. His uncle was filled with one excuse or the other. It got to a point he stopped picking Ebuka’s calls. Ebuka was furious that his uncle, his own blood had refused to help him. He was his uncle; if you don’t help family who do you help then?
  Lucy was tired of all the men out there. Everyone just wanted to sleep with her. To her, a man that respects and really likes her (she’s not even going as far as love), would be patient with her. He would treat her as more than an object. Her heart had been broken so many times because of it. Her dream man should be God fearing, loving, patient, respect, her, listen to her, be faithful, be good looking and be successful in his field.
                                       
  John was in love with Alice. They were friends before they started dating, so it made everything easy. There was one problem i.e. to John; Alice is a virgin. Alice didn’t see it as a problem. They’d been dating for a year now and John was frustrated. He loved Alice but he felt if she loved him very much then she should be willing to let him do it. Alice was sad; she felt if John loved her as much as she did him then her virginity shouldn’t be a problem. She’d learnt and believes that if a man really loves you then your being a virgin shouldn’t matter to him. He’d respect you and love it through it all. To John a girl that loves you would let you do it, besides he’s tried holding back for a year, not cheating once and he was very very active before he met Alice.
  Ekene was done! His wife was no more the girl he used to know. When he had met her five years ago, she was slimmer than Agbani Darego. She was beautiful and tall. She loved to dress up in all the latest fads. She was a girly girl. Now they were married, she had changed from the girly girl into a mummy mum. She didn’t care anymore about her appearance. She no longer did the things that drove him wild. He was perplexed, bitter and angry. He thought she’d stay the same.
                                             
 It was Valentine’s day and Folu had forgotten again. Ella was fed up. To her if a man loved her there were some dates he shouldn’t just forget and Valentine was the second one. It was a universal thing. On Valentine’s Day, you wine and dine the woman you loved, unless she was the side chick. Ella was beginning to think she was one. She was heartbroken, angry. She called her friends on phone and cried her heart out. In his defence, Folu always forgot his own birthday sha.
  Edgar was disappointed. All the girls were easy. They were all ready to kiss him on the first date. To him, a proper girl, the woman he will marry should be able to resist it, be different. He kicked all the girls that he kissed on the first day out. If she let him kiss her, what about other guys, he thought.  He met Anne and she didn’t let him have a kiss till the tenth date. They got married and she let her guard down, in walked Jezebel.
  Nonso loved respect. His mantra was he respected people, so he should be respected too. Emeka at work pissed him off every time. The guy treated him like a junior. He had no respect for him. This made Nonso angry every time. He also hated being looked down upon.
  It was Femi’s birthday and he was hoping he get the Rolex he always wanted. His girl got him something different and he couldn’t hide his displeasure on time. Anu, was giddy when she saw the artwork, she couldn’t wait to see the smile on Femi’s face when she presented it. She got the shocker of her life. She was hurt and angry.
  If you leave me I could go on forever. Guess the one thing responsible for the different emotions everyone in the above stories felt? EXPECTATIONS. They all had expectations that weren’t met. Expectation is the reason we get angry, sad, laugh, and cry. If you did something for someone you’d expect a thank you, if they didn’t say it, another emotion comes up in you. Every action we take, do, say in relation to other people, we as humans always have a preconceived expectation of how they should do it and respond. Then we place ourselves in, if it were us we’d do it this way. Expectation is what’s responsible for every heartbreak; break up, disappointment, anger, everything in your life.
                                             
 I promised to give a solution to anger and here it is. Have no expectations. Human beings are the most fickle of creations. We all think differently. Please, forget the shared interests you have. If you don’t expect a thank you, you won’t get pissed but will appreciate it when you get it. If it’s your birthday and you don’t expect a gift, you wouldn’t get angry or feel disappointed when the people you expect it from bring nothing. If they do, you’d be genuinely surprised and happy.
  Some say, we need to have expectations but the truth is with humans you can’t be sure. Having expectations makes us miss out on a lot. We let our expectations stop and control us.
  You should only have expectations from yourself and from your God (the universe if you practise none.). Even when you have expectations from yourself, cut yourself some slack. Having high expectations even low ones from others asides yourself will send you to an early grave. (Being in a marriage and expecting him/her to be faithful, abracadabra he has two kids outside; you have a heart attack and die. You have a best friend or so you think, you tell them everything and they stab you in the back. You’d cry and feel so hurt you never trust another person.) If you’d gone in with no expectations, you have fewer worries, if things happen you’re surprised but not dead.
  If you think my expectation theory is wrong, sincerely in your heart, think about the last time you got angry; why were you angry? Ok, what triggered your feeling that way? Voila! Ok, in case you’re the no anger type. Let’s go to your last relationship; why did you break up? How did you feel when what happened did? What did your partner do you didn’t like? Why didn’t you like it? Voila! Another expectation it is.
  Why are you reading this write-up?  You’re expecting something, aren’t you? Well, that’s left for you to figure out.
  Reduce your expectations from others and live a happy productive life with a reduced influx of negative emotions and a heightened positive one.
  I wish you a happy, productive life. Have a blast on earth. Love, Frances.
                                                  

If you like what you just read, do go through other posts for more. Cheers!