Saturday, November 25, 2017


In today’s world the word ‘Dating’ has become synonymous to sex and a relationship. Dating used to be a get to know period. A time you ask the important questions and see if you are both compatible then move it a step further towards courtship then marriage.
Dating is the first step for seeking out a life partner. Now, it’s just for the fun of it. No goals, no purpose.
Dating now means, ‘in a relationship’ with someone. Scratch that, ‘in a sexual relationship.’
Well, you see people who are supposedly dating and date for years then they tell you’ I can’t marry her’ , ‘I can’t marry him’.

Why be in a relationship with that person in the first place? Call me old school but dating isn’t an exclusive relationship. I can go on dates and get to know three men or more, ask questions, study them all.  If any fits, we move on to courtship. I don’t understand why people do things without purpose. Or why dating which is the first step should take years, months and have sex involved in it.
Some guys now, thanks to the times, ask you out, then tell you they want to date you to get you into the stage of we are boyfriend, girlfriend just so they can have sex with you. When you say, you don’t want to have sex, you hear things like;
“What are we dating for?”
“It’s what people who date do.”
“Are you not my girlfriend?”

If you are not ready to get married or not looking for a life-mate what then is your purpose as a man or woman for dating in the first place?
Dating like I said earlier was a get to know period. Sex was never part of it. Throwing sex into it blurs the lines between the dating and courtship period and then you believe you have moved on to courtship and you keep expecting and hoping he marries you.
When you go into it with a purpose, in the first three dates you both have, you should have a better understanding and can tell from the little but important questions to you that you have asked,  if you both align and if you’d consider moving it a step further.
Dating is getting to know if we can and not that we are in a relationship and sex must and should happen.

Asking a lady out on a date is termed romantic because you are interested in her as a woman and you are searching for a life- mate for the future and not because sex is on the table that day and you just want to bang that hot body you see for the months and years you’d be in a relationship. I think you should date with a plan, not for the fun of it and not with the flow. Why date if you are not ready to get married?
Then when the girl you have been sleeping with and have been in a relationship with, that has given you time, affection, care, sex, sometimes money, cleaned and cooked for you for months or years asks you “what’s the plan for the future?”, you run away, end things and say she was trying to force you to marry her or putting on demands, pressure, bla bla bla.  Biko, what was your plan, the timeline in the first place?

Dating should be a time for discovering a little about the life principles and character of the other person and it shouldn’t take months. You can date more than one man or woman when it’s platonic and it’s just get to know.

Maybe, I’m the one who is confused by today’s world were certain words have lost their true meanings and have become diluted and now mean something entirely different.
If you decide you want to date but don’t have marriage or forever in view or you just want to have sex and fun, ask the person you are planning on doing that with if they want the same thing. If you are both on the same page, have at it. Tomorrow, you won’t hear talks on marriage from him or her.

I think I’ll talk about the term ‘Hanging out’ in my next post.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. What are yours?


  1. We live in dangerous times. These young ones grow up and adopt these abnormal practices.

  2. Your last paragraph pretty much gets the gist of it. We unintentionally misuse words. Plus It's todays's world. And oh, words have always evolved, regardless of the generation.

    So yeah, this thing called "dating", truth is people sit together all the time and ask questions. I'd like to see what your post on "hang outs" entails.

    For consenting adults, I think the most important thing is clear communication of intent.

  3. Awesome post. I totally agree with having goal driven and well defined relationships.

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